


His, Mine, or Ours?

by pandorasv13



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Childhood Memories, F/M, Not Canon Compliant - Kingdom Hearts III, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Romance, Tragic Romance, Vanitas-centric (Kingdom Hearts), Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, vanikai - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 10:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20691839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasv13/pseuds/pandorasv13
Summary: Vanitas is swallowed by light after floating in the darkness for far too long. He awakens in Radiant Garden with a 7-year-old Kairi and a penchant for calling her "Princess."A 6,000-word Vanitas character study in KH fashion (i.e. light/dark metaphors, mumbo jumbo magic laws, and an incoherent plot.)





	His, Mine, or Ours?

I.

She appeared almost out of nowhere.

In the darkness, time is hard to understand. There are always hearts that float by and sometimes he thinks he might recognize them. A random merchant he cut down. A fleeing soldier he ran through. They were strangers but familiar ones.

Somewhere between a few hours and oblivion, he was struck by a wall of heat and light. The feeling consumed him, constricting life and limb. Tears were choked out of his dry ducts and thick warmth poured down his throat. It filled his lungs and jumpstarted his heart before he even had a chance to yell. In the midst of it all, voices and thoughts flooded his mind. None of them seemed like his own, but at the same time, they were painful. Intimate. Deeply nostalgic.

Laughter. Sunsets. Whispers. Sunshine. 

Wooden swords. Races. Stars. Wishes.

Longing. Darkness. Jealousy. Light.

His eyes snapped open. Instead of the overwhelming shadows he expected, there were glittering windows and long marble hallways. Guards marched past him with curious looks and soft chuckles. One stopped, crouching down to offer him a hand. “Napping here, Vanitas? Or are you hiding from the princess?”

_What?_ He hesitantly took the hand, deciding to play along until he understood what was going on. “Uh yeah, something like that.”

The guard laughed good-naturedly. “Well, you better run then. I saw her coming this way,” he whispered playfully. Ruffling Vanitas’s hair gently, he continued down the hallway with the other guard.

His head was spinning. Turning in a slow circle, he focused on the expansive gardens beyond the windows. They were definitely familiar. He knew this place. Squinting, he pressed a hand to the glass and for a split second, saw his own reflection. A young boy looked back at him.

_His face. My face? Our face._

The colors were his though. A small comfort when so little of his own existence seemed to matter. Almost cautiously, he tugged at one of the ebony spikes. It was curiously soft like a child’s hair. Blinking, he looked back at his reflection, finally registering that _he was a child_.

“There you are!”

Vanitas nearly jumped out of his own skin. The voice was high pitched and sweeter than ice cream. Whipping around, he found a tiny finger shoved in his face. Going cross-eyed, he backed up with a grunt.

“How could you abandon me to those awful history lessons?” she huffed. Her eyes were like the ocean at high noon. Radiant cerulean and glittering with sunlight. Fiery red locks curled around her currently pinched face. “Aren’t we friends? If I have to suffer, you should too.”

“Is that what friends are?” he blurted before he could stop himself. _Shit. Was that the right thing to say?_

Her expression relaxed though, and she giggled. “I guess not. But still! Next time, no ditching me. Got it?”

The smile she gave him nearly made his knees go weak and he promptly barreled past that helpless feeling. It wasn’t something he recognized as _not his own_. But who was it then? Sighing under his breath, he nodded at her. “Yeah, whatever.”

Slowly, her smile faded. A small hand touched his cheek. The warmth was almost unbearable, and he flinched back. She immediately retracted, looking embarrassed. “Sorry. I know you don’t like to be touched but I…,” she bit her lip, brows drawing together, “you seem a little sad.”

It wasn’t pity. Or at least, he didn’t think it was. Then again, Vanitas didn’t think he was a good judge of that. The dark ball of emotions he carried around didn’t really have a name. There were too many poisonous feelings swirling in there and putting a name to each one was pointless. He just wanted and wanted and wanted. That’s all he ever focused on.

But that flood of light that jolted him awake still lingered. In fact, it was almost stifling. It made his chest hurt. It made the dark mass unfurl as if spring had finally come for it. It made him want to live to touch the sky, stars, and sea.

_What the fuck is going on?_

He scowled, carelessly reaching out to shove the girl away. Before he could even lift his arm though, all the muscles contracted, halting him. Confused, he glanced down to see nothing hindering him but himself. With a conscious effort, he slowly lifted the arm, flexing his fingers.

‘You sure you’re okay?” the girl blinked up at him. “You wanna go play outside? I can get us out.” Her eyes twinkled mischievously.

He raised a disbelieving brow, smirking. “Is that so, Princess?” The words flowed off his tongue faster than his brain could process them. _Where did that come from?_ Ignoring how shaken he felt, he decided to focus on the tentative warmth the words elicited in his chest.

Her smile was back in full force. With a cheerful “yeah!” she offered her hand.

Vanitas thought of the heat from her last touch and recoiled. Shoving both hands in his pockets, he trudged off. “Lead the way.”

And if she was hurt, she didn’t show it.

X

It took him longer than he cared to admit. He couldn’t be blamed though. It wasn’t like anyone around him called her by _name_.

It was always her title.

There was nothing else to her after all. Just that. A Princess of Light. A useful tool for their plans. The key to _his_ heart. Might as well _be_ his heart with the way he abandoned life and limb just to see her.

Vanitas wanted to puke.

“Kairi, I think your knight is waiting for you.”

His eyes flitted across the library. The old lady had a real rude way of trying to embarrass him. He wasn’t falling for it though. After the first time she teased him, he stoically hid any reactions. Maybe it unnerved some of them since he was clearly only about seven or eight, but no matter. He was the princess’s playmate and protector. Being a little stony-faced was alright.

Her deep blue eyes brightened up when she finally noticed him. The library was large after all and her grandmother just had shockingly good senses. Vanitas thought maybe the woman was much wiser than anyone could truly perceive.

“Vani!”

He thoroughly ignored the twinge of warmth. “Let’s go, Princess,” he called flatly.

Kairi hopped down from her chair, short legs hurrying to catch up to him as he began leaving. Her grumbling complaints chased him as he strode ahead of her. Before long, he had to jog to keep a lead and then they were full out sprinting down the long corridor. Somewhere to his left, guards called after them to slow down, but he ignored them in favor of veering down another hallway.

Behind him, Kairi’s voice rose up indignantly. She was breathing harder but laughing between huffs. He figured it was alright to tease her a little longer then. At least until they got outside.

A few minutes later, they were racing down the stone steps of the castle. He thought she had lagged too far behind because her voice was no longer ringing. Slowing down, he turned around in time to see her launching at him. A gasp strangled itself in his throat and they flew into the garden’s bushes.

Her arms locked around his neck, giggles sweet and innocent against his ear. “Caught you!” Kairi sat back, grinning triumphantly down at him.

Heat crawled up his neck. Shoving her back, he scrambled away. “Idiot,” he grunted, swiping at his burning cheeks. The feelings bubbling up inside him weren’t his. They were someone else’s. Memories from a different life.

He understood that much. Waking up day after day in this vision hadn’t dulled the reality tickling the back of his brain. None of this could be real. He was the embodiment of darkness and had already taken his final bow and sunken into the shadows. That’s where he belonged.

What was happening now, though?

Did he die within death? Was this a heaven created by _his_ memories? None of them were familiar, but he had to admit that there was little data on their upbringing. Vanitas also hadn’t bothered to snoop around. He just wanted to be complete. The details didn’t matter. They said if he became one with his other half, then the light would return.

Was that so much to ask for?

“Vani?”

“Huh?” He pinched the bridge of his nose, suddenly exhausted with everything. When Kairi didn’t continue, he looked up. She was standing, the edge of her dress whipping around her knees. The wind was picking up all around them as dark clouds raced across the skies.

Dread filled him. There was nothing normal about the presence coming for them. He gritted his teeth, moving in front of her without thinking. His hands were painfully empty. Not even an inkling of magic simmered beneath the surface of his skin.

Was this what being powerless felt like? Human?

All at once, the swarms of heartless were upon them. They tumbled in masses over buildings and foliage. Their spindly limbs and glowing yellow eyes used to be a small comfort. It reminded him that there were legions of darkness under his control—ready to be sacrificed at the drop of a hat. But now, in this world, they were just out for blood.

Vanitas snatched the frozen girl by her searing wrist. They ran as far as their legs would take them, but it wouldn’t be enough. His vision blurred as the entire world was swallowed. The last feeling he registered was her small body curling against his, holding on for dear life.

II.

The water was _fucking _freezing.

That’s what jolted him awake though and for that, he felt grateful. Small hands clung to him tightly, white-knuckled where they were buried in the fabric of his soaked shirt. Vanitas let the waves carry them, unable to summon the strength to do more than grip the driftwood sustaining them.

Where were they? What happened?

Sandy shores grounded them after several minutes and he dragged them both away from the icy waves. Even if he wanted to abandon her, he wouldn’t have been able to. The girl still hadn’t let go. Her eyes were shut though, and her little heartbeat a shaky rhythm against his own chest.

Cursing, he huddled close to her. Strangely enough, her warmth hadn’t faded in the least. It was alive and burning him. At the same time, it chased away the chills so he would let it be for now.

“Hey! You kids alright?” A deep voice shouted down to them.

Vanitas glanced up, shivering. In his arms, Kairi stirred. Bleary eyes fluttered open, taking him in and then the stranger in a raincoat. Rain came down in heavy sheets, but still, the man seemed determined to get them.

A moment later, they were being lifted up. Vanitas fought the gut reaction to kick away. He didn’t have to look in a mirror to know his lips were blue as a corpse. The stranger was barking orders to someone else and soon enough they were being carried away.

His eyes shut.

When they next opened, his wounds were treated, and warm blankets comforted him. The bed wasn’t very big and when he tilted his head, Kairi’s face was only inches away. Hazy blues watched him with open confusion.

“Vani?” she whispered, bandages wrapped tight around her throat and head.

He felt her hand in his beneath the covers and squeezed. His heartfelt like it was on fire. Pain formed a lump in his throat as he took in her injuries. Was this how badly it hurt _him_ whenever she was in danger? If so, he felt sorry for the sap because this was _awful_.

It was like being killed but not having the pleasure of dying.

“Y…You okay, Princess?” Vanitas swallowed hard.

“I think so,” she replied, clearly unsure. Wincing, she gripped her head. “Everything hurts.” Her gaze swept over him and tears pricked her eyes. “You protected me.”

_Holy shit I hate this_. Was this what being complete felt like? The emotions? The suffering? Did the light hurt just as much as the dark? How could it be possible? But then he stared into her eyes and saw love—love that burned like a molten core. It wanted to swallow him and protect him and possibly end him too.

“Kids, you up?”

They turned at the voice, both bodies tensing up. The door was opening gently and a kind-looking man came in with a tray of food and hot drinks. His graying brows were drawn together across a faintly wrinkled face.

“Who are you? Where are we?” Vanitas demanded, tugging Kairi until she was safely hidden behind him. _What a strange world_. He never thought the day would come when she’d be worth protecting. And yet, he kind of always knew her light was intoxicating. All light was, after all.

“I’m the mayor of Destiny Island,” he responded calmly, setting the tray down on the bedside table. There was a warm twinkle in his eyes as he crouched down. “We heard reports of something bright crashing into the water during this awful storm. It could’ve been a plane, so we went to check it out. Instead, we found you two floating to shore.”

Vanitas almost laughed. What was it with this island? It just attracted everyone. The place where it all began. Would this vision make him live out the chapter of the hero’s journey too? He didn’t really want to play along anymore. The emotions were brutal, and the stress of his own thoughts was crushing.

“Where are you two from?”

And as he opened his mouth to answer, Kairi spoke up instead. “I…don't remember.”

He jerked around, confusion overloading his brain. Her face was a crumpled mess and immediately any thoughts of snapping at her faded. “What…do you mean?” he asked instead, voice strangled.

“I can’t remember anything,” she admitted quietly, shamefully. “All I know is your name, Vanitas.”

_Only me?_

“Well, let’s not stress about it.” The mayor patted their heads gently. “I’ve got some snacks and hot cocoa for you two. When you’re feeling up to it, go ahead.” He smiled once more at them and if it didn’t bring such obvious comfort to Kairi, then Vanitas would’ve shrugged him off. “I’ll be in the other room, so holler if you need me.”

And then he was gone.

“Nothing?” Vanitas asked quietly once the door shut.

Kairi shook her head, grabbing a fistful of the blanket. “Nothing.”

_So that’s how it began._

X

The first time he met Riku, it was explosive.

So many conflicting feelings welled up inside of him at once. There was love. So much love. A disgusting amount of love. It nearly made him sob. But within that was simmering jealousy and aged fury. Those feelings were much more familiar to Vanitas and thus he latched onto them.

He didn’t really understand what _his_ true feelings were, but clearly there was a history. This boy with the crystal-clear eyes and snow-white hair radiated strength and dignity. For someone like _him_, it was no wonder Riku made him feel inferior.

At first, the other kids were hesitant about talking to them. Well, more so Vanitas. They all loved Kairi on instinct. Even Riku, who was a bit reserved, seemed drawn to her. Soon enough, she had warmed them up to Vanitas though and days were passed in mindless fun.

After a time, it became clear that Riku was different from the other children. He worked his way into their lives (or maybe it was the other way around?) until Kairi acted as if they never knew a time before Riku. Maybe they didn’t. Maybe this was what it should always have been.

The three of them. Sunsets and sunshine. Warm waves and laughter.

Promises under shooting stars.

And sometimes, under the cover of darkness, he found himself falling into a sweet slumber with two hands in his own. They doubled the heat scorching his chest, but it was getting easier to handle.

That’s how the first three years passed him by.

“You sure have gotten used to island life.” Kairi.

He opened his eyes slowly, blinking away the black spots. The sun was low in the sky already. Had he really napped the day away? Rolling over, he stretched. “You don’t even have anything to compare it to,” he snorted.

“Awh, c’mon Vani. You know what I meant,” she nudged him playfully. “I think Riku’s made you a big old softie.”

Maybe she was right. He would never admit it though. Looking back up at her, he smirked. “Careful, Princess. You’ve got hearts in your eyes.”

Her face flushed and she giggled but didn’t deny it.

His own heart tugged unpleasantly. This was another one of _his_ feelings. The darker ones. They were few and far between, but Vanitas hadn’t forgotten them from the first time he met Riku. It was a violent surge of emotions that almost crippled him. Although the warmer ones usually won out, at times like these, he couldn’t help the shiver of darkness creeping into his heart.

The princess was _his_ weakness through and through. Her love and attention were to be hoarded. Despite that, Riku was an annoying thorn with an easy smile and caring demeanor. He doted on both of them, treating their narrow age difference too seriously. Further, he had a way of joining in her light and multiplying it. When they were together, it was almost too bright.

He loathed it. Loathed every smile and sweet nothing they shared.

But that jealousy usually got beaten down immediately when Riku turned to him. Gave him those same smiles. The same sweet nothings. The playful jokes and gentle brotherhood. He yearned for that his entire existence and it was suddenly unconditionally available.

“You’re such a sap, Vani.”

He blinked. Him? A sap? Shooting up, he saw Riku approaching them with a bag of fruit slung over one shoulder. He had already hit his first growth spurt, towering over the two of them at only eleven. “Not as much as you,” Vanitas scoffed, nodding toward the bag. “Who’s the mother bird here?”

Riku laughed, tossing the fruits to him. “Just making sure you two bums aren’t starving after a day of doing nothing.” He flopped down in the sand beside Kairi.

Opening the bag, Vanitas started doling out fruits, knowing by heart who wanted what. It was such a natural process now that he didn’t bother fighting it. Sometimes the urge to lash out rose in him, but it was usually quelled by the time one of their smiles turned his way.

_A horrible existence where feelings control my every move. _

“I helped build a fort today!” Kairi argued, glaring up at Riku.

He cocked an amused brow. “Oh? What’d you do exactly?”

“I gathered driftwood and supervised,” she grinned.

Laughing freely, he ruffled her hair, tugging her against his shoulder. “Yeah, I’m _sure_ you were a big help.” Riku ignored her indignant yelping, casting a look Vanitas’s way. He reached out a hand, smiling a bit wider. “Lonely over there, Vani?”

_I hate this_.

Grudgingly, he went over, pressing into Riku’s side. The warm arm that wrapped around him made all the love from _his_ heart well up. Vanitas disregarded the thick weight in his chest.

“You guys are the best,” the princess whispered.

And he didn’t have the heart or mind to disagree.

X

It was in the last week of summer vacation that things changed.

They were fourteen, fourteen, and fifteen.

Riku had grown increasingly anxious to leave. He practically vibrated with unrest and their conversations had all turned into longing for the wider world. Vanitas listened quietly to his far-flung dreams of adventure in places without names. Or at least, they were still nameless to him. In another life, he knew what would become of this boy.

The hero he would grow into.

Traversing worlds would become just another part of life one day. But Vanitas had already lived that way. He didn’t want to remember portals into darkness, fights to the death, and crumbling worlds. They no longer set his blood aflame. Instead, they turned his stomach and made him ever thankful for the vision of peace in the death within death.

“Let’s build a raft and go then!” Kairi clapped her hands, smile blooming on her face.

Riku glanced up at where she perched upon the paopu tree. Vanitas sat dutifully beside her, watching the emotions play across both of their faces. Despite his grand dreams, Riku hesitated. After a long beat of silence, he sighed and smiled. “You sure you’re up for that? It’s gonna be a lot of work.”

“We can do it! Right, Vani?” She turned his way exuberantly, eyes glimmering in the dying rays of sunlight.

He knew where this story was going. Or at least, vaguely. He didn’t want to admit it, but his heart was beating in fear. In the days to come, things would never be the same again, right? This peace and comfort would only continue along the thread of memories.

“I don’t know,” he shook his head, refusing to look at either of them anymore. “Seems like a lot could go wrong.”

“You scared?”

He ignored the flare of annoyance. Riku was baiting him and it wouldn’t work. Not this time. “I am.”

Immediately, he felt the air tense. No one spoke for a long time. Vanitas wondered if it would make any difference. Could his decisions rewrite history? _No. That’s not what this is…right? _Sighing heavily, he jumped down from the tree root. “I’m heading back to the main island. You guys coming?”

And then the air shifted.

He barely managed to catch himself, vision fogging. Hundreds of thousands of memories suddenly blurred and whizzed around him. Vanitas watched them fly past, paralyzed as they became just colors and sounds. None of it really made sense together. Emotions he recognized innately as _his_ poured out though, and it made each hazy memory come to life.

_What a shitty adventure. It’s nothing. Nothing compared to what you gave up._

III.

When he next got a hold of himself, he was lying in a bed.

_His bed. My bed? Our bed._

Shaking away the confusion, he peered around. It was early morning, sun barely rising above the waves at this hour.

He saw the school uniform hanging on the back of his bedroom door. It looked much too big for him. Or at least, much too big for his last clear memory. Getting up slowly, he went and tried it on, finding it a perfect fit.

A part of him panicked at having lost so much time, but then figured it was for a reason. Whatever was going on had nothing to do with him. He was just along for the ride. That’s what he liked to remind himself at least. If he dared think this was anything more than a beautiful vision, then he risked being burned at the end of it all.

“You up yet, Vani?”

The door opened without further warning. An older Riku leaned against the door frame. Long silver hair was pulled into a top knot, his uniform tie loosely knotted around his throat. A rather new looking leather book bag was slung over one broad shoulder.

_He certainly grew up._ It had been a lifetime since he saw this version of Riku. Even back then, he hadn’t ever seen the guy clearly. The stories and rumors spoke for him. “Yeah. Did the princess come along?”

Riku smirked. “Is Kairi all you think about day in and day out?” he teased, leaning down. “You’re gonna end up repeating a year at this rate.”

_What happened?_ Pushing him back, Vanitas shrugged his own book bag on. “We don’t have anything due today, right?” The topic seemed safe enough. He wasn’t sure what was going on after all. Where were they in the timeline?

As they headed out, cool morning air met them. Riku told him briefly about their assignments in between making fun of him. Vanitas only half-listened, knowing none of it was really important in the long run.

The dirt road looked the same. The white fences and trees also hadn’t changed. Not that much time had passed after all. This was confirmed as Riku mentioned they would graduate in the spring. Less than a year left.

_I missed all of high school? I guess that makes sense. They must’ve missed it too._

When they reached the school gates, students were slowly trudging in. Their conversations were stilted and interrupted with yawns. Vanitas immediately locked onto fiery red hair. She was a few paces ahead and chatting with another girl. Her sleeves were rolled up and shirt untucked.

“Princess.”

The word slipped out like it always did. Kairi turned around, breaking into a wide grin. She waved goodbye to her friend before shuffling over to them.

_I forgot… _He swallowed the rest of that thought, just taking in her appearance. Her hair was longer, face more mature. But the sweetness, the light, the warmth – all of those were the same. And when Vanitas allowed himself to meet her eyes, he remembered every other time he had been enraptured by them.

Still caught up in his own thoughts, he wasn’t ready when she leaned up (had he grown that much?) and pressed her lips to his.

It was worse than her light touches. This blazed fire through his entire body. The brief moment short-circuited his brain and all he could focus on was how his heart might just stop. How much of this was _him_?

_All of it. It must be. They must have done this a thousand times._

“Jeez, Vani. It was just a kiss,” Riku bumped his shoulder, laughing. “Be cool.”

A part of him wanted to snap back that he was always cool, but nothing came out. Instead, he focused back on Kairi who was suppressing giggles. She smacked him lightly with her bag and traipsed ahead. “Riku’s right. Don’t be such a dope,” she teased, smiling brightly. The pink tinge to her cheeks gave her away though.

“You’re so bold, Princess,” he finally scoffed, brushing her cheek softly with his fingertips. The heat was comforting.

X

They kissed many times after that. Probably too many. Was there such a thing?

He didn’t know and didn’t really care either. All that mattered now was that they were old enough to be brave and honest. Vanitas didn’t think he had ever been honest in his life. He wasn’t even sure if what was happening now counted.

_Was any of this real? Or not?_

That question sometimes haunted him in the wee hours. The nights where sleep eluded him and his heart clenched with a thousand emotions.

They stayed out late frequently—similar to when they were kids. Sometimes Riku still joined them, but other times he would leave them be. Perhaps it was a courtesy. Vanitas thought it was. His princess suggested that Riku’s thoughts were far away though.

He didn’t want to ask about the years missed. That must have been what she was referring to. After a decade, he could barely recall the fine details of his first life. There was probably someone Riku once loved right? Her name and face hovered just below the threshold of memories. But then again, he wasn’t trying to remember.

In fact, he would rather forget it completely. 

He had spent more meaningful time in this illusion than his real life.

“Even the beach gets cold in autumn.”

Vanitas glanced over, seeing her shivering slightly. Shrugging off his cardigan, he tossed it over her shoulders. “Airheaded as ever, Princess.”

She glared at him halfheartedly, snuggling into the jacket. “The weather report said it would be warmer!” Her eyes lingered on him, seeming to memorize the lines of his body.

When he noticed, a grin spread across his lips. “Are you leering?”

“Of course not!” she retorted, flustered. Her head whipped away quickly, but he caught her chin, tilting her face up. Bright blues widened.

He chuckled softly, kissing her deeply. His strong arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her against him. The heat radiating off of her chased away the autumn chill. Their lips were just a touch cold, but it didn’t last long.

Soon enough, hot air puffed between their tongue-tied teases. She gasped sharply when he bit down on her bottom lip, drawing the faintest taste of blood. The dark corners of his heart savored it—desired it. But the rest of _him_ just wanted to nuzzle her throat and rub soothing circles into the small of her back.

Vanitas didn’t think he would ever understand those sentiments and yet, here he was now. In equal measure, he wanted to hold her gently and frantically mark her with all his searing emotions.

His fingers curled into her hair, pushing it out of the way so he could leave a love bite just below her jaw. His tongue, teeth, and lips brutally attacked the flesh, not letting up until he was sure it would be deep purple and just short of permanent. And all the time, her lovely voice had whimpered in his ear, encouraging him.

“Still cold, Princess?” he breathed, placing one more kiss in the hollow of her throat.

She shook her head wordlessly.

They walked on, the sand so stiff and cold that it didn’t even sink beneath their shoes. He was thrumming with energy, eyes occasionally flitting down to the girl bundled in his cardigan. There was always too much raging through him when they were together. It was all-consuming. Stole away the logic and any sense of self-preservation.

Her light almost made Vanitas want to praise _him._ He had kept her alive and well through their former life. All the suffering she could’ve faced was cushioned by the real knight.

The boy with a heart big enough to forgive anyone.

“Sometimes, I think I’m losing you.”

Vanitas paused, giving her his full attention in an instant. She wasn’t looking at him though, hand absently running over the fresh mark on her neck.

“It’s like you go somewhere deep inside of yourself,” Kairi explained slowly, seeming to puzzle out a reasonable way of putting it. “Your eyes get sad. You tense up. But when I call out to you, it’s kind of funny how you come back immediately.” She laughed softly, flashing a smile, “I’m still confused on where you disappear to, but I’m just happy you’ll always come flying back.”

_Is that me? Or him?_

“I’m thinking about my brother.”

The admission surprised them both. Vanitas almost clamped his mouth shut, but the look of wonder and adoration on her face made him loose-lipped. Sighing loudly, he ducked his head, scowling.

“He…died.” _I died. _

“And he was all the good in me.” _Literally._

“I always wanted to know what it felt like.” _To be complete. _

“So sometimes, I go to him. Think about how much of this light I feel is his and how much is just mine.” _And did I really ever want to feel any of this at all? _

She was only quiet for a moment. The wind seemed to hush around them. “But you’re you right now, aren’t you?” Soft, deep blues were still clear even on that cloudy day. “The things you feel are yours. I think maybe you’re punishing yourself by trying to parse out who’s allowed to embrace which feelings. If they make you laugh, cry, smile, or even scream, they’re your feelings to treasure. You’ve felt them now and taken them into your heart.”

In another lifetime, Vanitas was positive he’d have run her through with his blade. It would’ve been in a fit of jealousy and possibly fear because her light reached so deep inside it was almost humiliating.

But now, right now, he only embraced it. The coiling heat pulsed around the lump of darkness in his chest. It was healing. That fact didn’t become clear to him until many years of living on this island. She stayed beside him. Sometimes without prying and other times with coaxing. Regardless, she was there, and she didn’t have to wait for him to look back at her.

How long did _he_ make her wait? How many days did she spend sitting alone without a friend to share her grief and triumphs with? Who was listening to her cries all that time?

Vanitas thought he might just hate _him_.

“You’re a princess through and through, huh?” he mused, cracking a smile when she smacked his arm. Her voice rose up with complaints, but he just listened in a state of bliss. There was love in every syllable and concern in each echo.

When did he become so spoiled? When did it start?

“Say, have you thought of what you want to do after graduation?”

He shrugged. “I’ll follow you.”

Kairi tugged on his arm, alarmed. “That’s not a goal! You know, I was talking to Riku and he said he’ll probably head off on some travels after we finish.” She paused, lips trembling for a moment. “He…I bet he’d be grateful if you went with him.”

“Then who’s gonna be at your beck and call, Princess?” he drawled, pinching her cheek a little too hard. She squirmed and slapped his hand away. He caught her cold fingers, bringing them to his lips. “I’ve been with you since before the beginning and I’m gonna be with you past the end.”

_Those are my feelings, right? Mine alone._

IV.

It was such a random evening. Nothing preluded it.

They had sneaked off to the play island at the first sign of good weather. Riku had joined them for once but warned that he would leave if they got any gooey-eyed. Vanitas didn’t really want to abide by that, but Kairi promised.

And so it went.

Graduation was only weeks away. They were musing about plans to leave. The three of them. Together. Off on an adventure that wouldn’t be filled with pain. Or at least, Kairi’s optimism made it seem so.

His princess didn’t have a negative bone in her body. Just like his brother. Rolling his eyes, he pushed the thoughts away. It was better to just enjoy the clear night sky and the soft murmurings of his only friends.

Just as he settled in to do that, everything vanished.

And then he was falling. The world was swallowed up in a breath.

It was replaced by an endless sky and reflective waters. Nothing as far as the eye could see. Just clouds. Just silence.

He spun around, darting off full-tilt in a random direction.

None of it was any good though. He ran and ran for ages without getting tired but also without making progress. For all he knew, this was just a test in patience. Some higher being was laughing at his desperate search for _anything_.

Maybe it was just minutes that passed, but it felt like years before he heard another person’s footsteps.

And there _he_ was. Both of them actually.

Had they been there the whole time?

_Am I just a shadow again?_

Vanitas stood, straightening up as they approached. That stupid, goofy grin was on _his_ face despite the limp body cradled in his arms. Something cold and heavy settled in his gut. _She’s not…she… _

“Vanitas?” Sora smiled wider, looking almost relieved. Why would Vanitas’s existence be a relief? Those dumb blue eyes shifted down to the girl. “I can’t believe it. It took forever to find all the pieces.”

“What…?” The word was out and broken and so unlike him that it hurt. He gnawed on the inside of his cheek, desperately putting a cap on the anger boiling his blood.

Sora snapped to attention. Laughing sheepishly, he knelt down, carefully settling Kairi’s head on his lap. “Some stuff happened, but it’s all okay now. It’s time to go home.” He laid a hand over her heart, the touch so gentle it made Vanitas think his princess had turned to glass.

In this world, feelings and thoughts were even easier to transmit.

There were no lies. They were going home. Back to the islands.

“Wait.”

Sora paused, expression strangely exhausted. “Don’t worry. Kairi is going to be safe. I swear.” There was a curious light in his eyes now as he assessed Vanitas properly. No way he could know about the intense vision of bliss…right? “I can see her…in you. The guardians in this place sort of led me this way. Guess you were the missing piece, huh?” He laughed suddenly, wiping at tired eyes. “That’s just like her. Always comforting the darkest things.”

“Do you wanna make sense anytime this century?” Vanitas growled.

“Sorry,” he chortled. “It’s just, I’ve been running around for who knows how long to chase her down. And here you are. Just sitting around waiting for us.”

“Waiting for her.”

Sora blinked, surprise crossing his face only briefly. A warm smile tugged at his lips. “You’re right. For her.” With his free hand, he waved Vanitas closer. “She’s been asleep. I’ve been putting the pieces together. Hers and ours.”

The closer Vanitas got, the more her body began to glow. It was a new experience. Things never got brighter when he approached. They dimmed and flickered out. They were consumed by putrid things.

But not her. She could be brilliant even in his awful embrace.

“She left all her memories with you,” Sora whispered hoarsely. “Jeez, Kairi. Giving me all this work just so you could bring back every last bit of me.”

Vanitas didn’t really want to understand but he did. He really did.

Crouching down, he hesitated. Sora watched him carefully. “So those weren’t your memories?” Vanitas prompted quietly.

He shook his head.

“She just wanted you two beside her.”

“I know.”

“You might know, but you don’t feel it.” _Not the way I did. _

Sora didn’t respond.

Carefully, Vanitas tipped her chin up and kissed her lips to the slightly shrill gasp of his host. Pulling back, he sneered at Sora’s beet red face. “Oh? And this whole time I thought you’d kissed her a ton already.”

“_No!_” he stammered, looking for all the world like a lost boy.

“Don’t worry, I gave the Princess lots of memories.”

Before Sora could reply, Vanitas pressed his hand over _his_. Light and heat flooded his veins, but this time it felt like it was being sucked away. His strength seeped away rapidly, vision fading.

The next time he awoke, it was sunset.

There were voices in the background. It sounded, smelled, and felt like peace.

Like a far-off memory.

And from the shadow _he_ cast, he could see her alive and beautiful. Their darkness overlapped on the paopu tree, feeling like a safely kept secret. He found that he didn’t mind. For a moment, he could’ve sworn _his_ blue eyes flickered down to his deep shadow with something akin to jealousy.

Vanitas pretended not to notice. His presence still felt weak after all. It wasn’t getting any stronger either.

_This is how it ends. _

_My princess. His princess? Our princess. _

Darkness wrapped around him like a familiar embrace. He knew the moment he returned her light that the price was steep. It was a cruel destiny and he scorned _him_ for not being able to do more when it mattered.

But the path was already trodden. This was where they lay.

Vanitas shuddered as the sun, stars, and promises faded.

_END._


End file.
